I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
