Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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