im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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