Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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