You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
