loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
