I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize