I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
