Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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