I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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