Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
