he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
