You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
