Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
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