Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am naked and annoyed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
