Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
