Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
