Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
