If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
