no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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