At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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