my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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