I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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