Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
