i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
