i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
