He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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