I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
