4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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