I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
