if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
