I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
