i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
