i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
