ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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