He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
