the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
