k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
