I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
