This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
