Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
