i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
