I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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