the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
