So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He felt like a one man threesome
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think people are normalizing furries
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
