You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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