gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
