I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
