You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
