hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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