my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
