I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize