Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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