I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
