Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
