I hate all girls vehemently.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
