he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
