I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize