You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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