dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The feeling are messing with the penis
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
