stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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