We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
