so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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