In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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