so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
