are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
